I was sober curious for about three years. I began questioning my relationship with alcohol while I was in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic in 2020. I noticed that I used alcohol to cope with the anxiety that the relationship gave me, and honestly, so I could handle being around him. He was drinking everyday too, so drinking along with him felt "normal".
Even though I questioned my relationship with alcohol I never considered quitting. Instead, I just wanted to feel in control. I tried moderating, only drinking on the weekends, telling myself I wouldn't take shots anymore... Needless to say, I was grasping at straws.
Where it started....
My relationship with alcohol began young. I grew up in a household that drank daily. I was around alcohol from a very young age, and like most teenagers, experimented with drinking at sixteen. My cousin and I would sneak beers from my dads beer fridge in his garage and hide them under our bed before she came over on the weekends. Back then, it only took me about two warm Coors lights to feel a buzz. Drinking made me feel rebellious and cool.
Fast forward to college, drinking was considered the "thing to do". Before I was 21 we would convince one of our older friends to buy us booze and hide out in our dorms drinking and hiding from the RA. After we turned 21 drinking just became the way of life.
Wake up. Go to class. Drink. Repeat.
We would drink at Mug Club Mondays at the local bar, maybe be sober Tuesday, but then before you know it- Wednesday was here for Wine Wednesday! Wine Wednesday turned into Thirsty Thursday and then it was Friday. Friday nights were for house parties, live bands, and going out. Saturday was basically a repeat of Friday and the week ended with a bloody on Sunday.
In college, drinking made me feel cool, carefree, and allowed my brain to shut off and not think about studying, tests, or projects. Even though I somehow managed to graduate with Magna Cum Lauda (3.8 GPA), I will admit I was drunk half my college career. I think you would find many of my friends had the same story.
Then, right after graduating I jumped into a relationship with an alcoholic. Womp, womp. Drinking daily, as I mentioned above, became my life.
And then a lightbulb...
A couple months after dumping the alcoholic and finally kicking him out of my house, I got into the relationship that I am currently in. He has showed me a completely different way of living. His doesn't drink daily. His family might have a couple of beers during the game and then go to sleep. He doesn't plan his day around drinking.
I realized that my drinking habits were way different than his and I all of a sudden didn't consider them "normal". I realized that I would start to feel embarrassed asking him to pick me up a bottle of wine on a Wednesday. In fact, on our first date, I drank so many White Claws, I fell asleep on his shoulder during a movie... awkward.
As we continued our relationship, my life started changing a lot. I got a new big girl job, and started taking my healing journey more serious. I worked to control my anxiety. Eat better. Sleep more. Get more exercise.
But I still drank.
In September of 2023 I decided I was going to try and cut back on drinking for good. I went a couple of weeks, then drank because we went on a trip and I couldn't imagine going on a trip without drinking. Then October came, and I tried Sober October. Halfway through, my cousin decided to come over and I drank. See a trend? When the holidays came, I said game over and decided I will try again in the New Year.
Then something terrible happened. Shortly before Christmas, I once again let down my guard, I got too drunk, blacked out, took shots (something I promised myself I wouldn't do) and let someone touch me that shouldn't have. The next morning I was ashamed, hungover, felt sick, and hated myself. Not that this was the first time something like this had happened, either. Numerous blackout nights in college and after my breakup with my abusive ex, led me to making poor decisions and ended up with me doing the walk of shame with my tail between my legs.
I decided then and there I needed to be done with alcohol. I couldn't trust myself with it anymore and it was ruining my relationships.
I made a New Years resolution to quit drinking and now I am 57 days sober.
I couldn't be more proud. I got a therapist, I started a TikTok channel for my sobriety, and found a support group. I have been a guest on a podcast. I've read numerous books. I have shared my story with others and made friends from around the globe.
I finally am feeling in control of my life. I have lost 10 pounds, sleep better, and feel more energized and focused than I have in a long time. All it took was cutting out alcohol.
If you want to follow along my journey, follow me on TikTok @ Tay's Sober Journey. Otherwise stay tuned for upcoming blogs about my sobriety!